Reader question: I am currently in a committed long-distance relationship but recently bought myself a Rabbit vibrator. I've never used a vibrator before and obviously I know what I'm supposed to do with it, but what can I do to get myself turned on and "ready" to masturbate? Porn isn't really my thing and it feels pretty strange for me to be doing it all alone in my house. What can you suggest to help me get in the mood?
I'm so glad that you're thinking about your own pleasure while your partner is miles away. This is a great time to explore your own body, expand your erotic mind, and learn what gets you in the mood—and all of this is going to help make the action better when you're with your guy as well. For most women, masturbation is something that gets better with practice, just like sex.
Since pleasure begins in your brain, it's not surprising that you asked for help getting "ready" to masturbate. It's all about getting your mind in the game. For many women, porn can be a great way to get in the mood. If you're simply worried about the sound traveling, put on some headphones and the problem is solved! You can also read or listen to erotica if that's your thing.
If not, there are other things you can do to turn yourself on, both alone and with a guy:
1. Try FaceTime or Skype sex with your long-distance guy. If you're not comfortable going all the way, use your video sessions as foreplay and turn off your phone when you're ready to start getting busy with yourself.
2. Use your imagination. Women who fantasize during sexual activity are more likely to have orgasms, even multiples, whether alone or with a partner. Think about those times when you were the most turned on you've ever been and focus on those scenarios in your mind. Get in touch with what you were feeling both emotionally and physically at the time.
3. Light some candles, make an erotic playlist, and take a relaxing bath. Glide your hands over your body. You'd be surprised at how little sensory changes can improve your sexual mood. When you get out, slather lotion all over your body, and by then your brain should be ready (and your body relaxed).
4. Use lube. Every woman should own a water-based lube (I like System Jo for toy use!). Not only is it great for sex, it will also help enhance the feelings of your own hand (or a toy) and help you get turned on faster.
5. Practice. The Rabbit is a great choice for a first vibrator as it dually stimulates your clitoris and G-spot. You can play with the controls and start off by having a clitoral orgasm first just using the rabbit ears on the outside, and then insert the rest for a G-spot orgasm or even a blended O! Experiment with the various speeds and vibrations patterns to see what works for you. If you find it's too much, try just using the rabbit ears on your clitoris without inserting the rest.
If you try just a few of these tactics, I promise you'll not only be ready to masturbate but will also master the art of delivering your own pleasure, which is what this self-love game is all about! You can use most of these tricks above to get primed for a night of great sex too, so don't forget these ideas if you've been having trouble getting in the mood with your guy lately as well.
Emily Morse is a sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast, and cofounder of the intimate care line Emily & Tony. She has a doctorate in human sexuality and is the author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight and a weekly cohost of the nationally syndicated radio show Loveline With Dr. Drew Pinsky.
Photos: Samantha Hahn
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